Origin of the species: Cult movie
director John Waters once stated: "One must remember there is such a thing
as good bad taste and bad bad taste". And apparently to prove such a point
big name director Tim Burton made a movie about none other than Ed Wood
Jr., author of mind-numbingly bad movies such as "Plan 9 from Outer Space"
and "Glen or Glenda". The difference between 'good' bad taste and 'bad'
bad taste is hard to pinpoint. Thousands of bad movies are made on a yearly
basis and most of them can be ignored easily. But few of them have the baffling
ineptitude and the weird appeal of those Ed Wood-movies. Guess what? Waters'
statement can also be applied to music! Now read
carefully what the above headline says: Albums so
bad, they’re GOOD!! So just as the true camp connoisseur can simply ignore
the simply unwatchable movies of Joel Schumacher and Harry Allan Towers,
likewise we'll ignore things like the SCORPIONS re-inventing themselves
as a boy band on "Eye II Eye", the attempts of Don Johnson and Bruce Willis
at being rock stars or just about any recording by LIVE, CREED, or Kenny
G. Simply boring and unlistenable is not enough!!
First, buy: THE SHAGGS -
"Philosophy Of The World" (1968) - The Holy Grail of good bad albums!!
Some of you may already be familiar with the story of Dorothy, Betty and
Helen Wiggins. Three sisters from a small town in New Hampshire who were
turned into forming a band by their daddy Austin Wiggins, who also bought
them their instruments. In 1969 he took most of his savings and bought them
studio time to record some of their own material. The result is one of the
most baffling things ever recorded! First off, there is no doubt that from
a technical point of view the Wiggins sisters are musically inept and the
compositions don't follow any of the existing laws of songwriting. But that
is also
part of its undeniable charm. Despite the meandering
rhythms, the out of tune guitar strumming, the seemingly disjointed song
structures and the often childish lyrics I find it impossible to hate this
record. I can't quite put my finger on it but there is a feeling of naivety
and honesty about this record that I find oddly touching. Forget THE VELVET
UNDERGROUND, SYD BARRET, CAPTAIN BEEFHEART or JANDEK! Hell, even forget
the PIXIES and the SEX PISTOLS! THE SHAGGS are the real deal!! But be forewarned:
the normal rules and laws of music do not apply here so listen with an open
mind. Chances are you'll still find this music wretched but it should at
least get an honest chance. There is no other record like "Philosophy of
the World" and there will never be one!
Then buy: WILLIAM SHATNER -" The Transformed
Man" (1968) - Yes, that's the same William Shatner we all know
and love as Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. In 1968 he
recorded this album with mostly poetry and some songs. The poetry is bad
enough as it is. Even the most dedicated Shakespeare-fanatic will cringe
when he hears Shatners hamming his way through "Hamlet", accompanied by
some really cheesy string arrangements . Was he serious about this, one
has to wonder. Well, according to the liner notes he was even proud of his
accomplishments here. And then we even haven't discussed the songs yet.
He doesn't actually sing on his renditions of
"Mr. Tambourine Man" and "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds".
No, he leaves that to a female backing choir. They sing the basic melody
line while Shatner simply declamates the lyrics in the same overindulgent
way he reads his poetry. The result is as fascinating as it is awful.
Then buy: BAD RELIGION - "Into The Unknown"
(1983)- Why they did it is anyone's guess, but in 1983 BAD RELIGION
released this album where they traded in their trademark punk pop for a
kind of synth pop/AOR sound. The opening track "It's Only Over When" with
its echoes of VAN HALEN's "Jump" and GENESIS' "Abacab" gives a good indication
of what the rest of the album's going to be like. So was this perhaps meant
as the ultimate punk gesture? To release an album that was as un-punk as
possible? I guess it doesn't really matter since the result is still quite
off-putting. Apparently the band agrees with me because today they even
deny the record exists.
Then buy: THE GREAT KAT - "Worship Me Or Die!"
(1987) - THE GREAT KAT is God. Or at least she has said so herself
in countless interviews, meanwhile slagging off just about everybody from
KREATOR to YNGWIE MALMSTEEN. That last one because she herself claims to
be the fastest guitarist alive. Well, judging from this record she's certainly
fast but basically that's all she is. As for the album goes, the decent
production can't hide the fact that the music is some of the weirdest and
often quite ridiculous thrash metal ever made. It's hard to put into words
for you, dear reader, but everything about this album, the arrangements,
the tempo changes, those weedly-meedly 'solos', The Great
Kat's inane screeching, it's downright idiotic! And
then there's the lyrics, which are mostly about two things: 1. THE GREAT
KAT is your God / ruler / master / leader / messiah and 2. Everyone who
does not agree will be killed/raped/dismembered. Forget SPINAL TAP, BAD
NEWS and TENACIOUS D!! This is the ultimate heavy metal parody, and mostly
because it's truly made by a gibbering nutcase!
Live and rare: BLURT - "In Berlin", (1981)-
A saxophone may seem like a bizarre weapon of choice for unleashing unspeakable
terrors on mankind, but former puppeteer and BLURT frontman Ted Milton has
no problem putting it to such use for the duration of this bombastic live
performance. His bloodthirsty sax offenses, alternated with abrupt vocal
shouts are at best unusual, and at worst, well...down right flatulent. But
the unspeakable cacophony somehow settles into a hypnotic groove set against
brother Jake Milton's punchy percussion causing many spots to border on
the likeable. The band's tightness in pieces like "Ubu" and "My Mother was
a Friend of an Enemy of the People"
cannot be denied, and strangely enough the German
crowd seem to lap up BLURT's car-crash symphonies with fervor. Visit their
website and read about Ted's occasional desire to douse himself in ketchup.
Avoid! PAT BOONE- "In A Metal Mood: No More
Mr. Nice Guy" (1997) - According to some people the best humor
is the unintentional kind. I don't entirely agree with that. In recent years
HAYSEED DIXIE and THE MOOG COOKBOOK (among others) and maybe even WEIRD
AL YANKOVIC (depending on your idea of humor) have proven that it is possible
to fuck up existing rock classics in a way that's not only hilarious but
is also able to survive repeated listens. What's essential of course, and
must never be underestimated is a genuine 'sense' of humor. Something Pat
Boone is painfully unaware of. His loungy bastardizations of several rock
and metal classics don't work as a joke and yet I just
can't possibly imagine he was being serious when he
recorded this. This record is so dull and un-funny that it makes Boone's
early work seem brilliant in comparison!
Closing tidbits: The albums mentioned
above are just the tip of a very large iceberg. Ever since the arrival of
the internet hundreds of websites have sprung up all dedicated to the art
of 'good' bad music. They're not all equally interesting since a lot of
them deal with so-called 'outsider
music' which is nice but not always necessarily the same thing as 'so
bad it's good'. The best starting point is probably Weirdomusic
which has links to lots of complete downloadable albums. Other sites of
interest are Danacountryman,
Bizarre Records
and Frank Larosa's
Vinyl Museum. And if full album length badness is a bit too much for
you there's always UBUweb's excellent 365 Days Project, which has one mp3
for
every day of the year. Check 'em all out, then
see if you can find any of those records at thrift stores and flea markets.
But be forewarned: some music is so bad/good it could become an addiction!!
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