Origin of the species: In the early 1980s as the NWOBHM heaved it's final gasps, the American L.A. rock scene began to attract attention as an epicenter of rock 'n roll culture. Inspired by classic AEROSMITH, NY DOLLS, CHEAP TRICK and KISS, as well as Brits like SWEET, SLADE, and BOWIE, leather and spandex-clad foursomes and fivesomes began to grab hold of the public's consciousness. Of course, the phrase 'hair metal' wasn't a real term (actually coined much later by the scene's detractors), and most of the bands that would become synonymous with Hollywood clubs like The Whiskey and The Roxy were simply considered hard rock at the time.

From a radio standpoint, the shift seemed to take place around 1984-85, when the usual FM rock staples like AC/DC, ZEP, VAN HALEN, and OZZY OSBOURNE began to share time with new names like DOKKEN, RATT, BON JOVI, and TWISTED SISTER along with veteran acts re-ignited by the LA flame (SCORPIONS, WHITESNAKE, Y&T). Sadly, the scene would develop a reputation for super-incestuous knockoff bands, as the original staying power of the early artists would quickly become diluted and style overtook substance. As label execs flocked to the West Coast, determined to sign anything doused in White Rain, the 80s became flooded with bands aping the teased-hair, hot guitar style of the scene's predecessors. The old boy was barely breathing by the time the BULLETBOYS, ENUFF ZNUFFs, FIREHOUSEs, and WINGERs of the world moved into position. Unfortunately, this latter group of bands seems to be the one most rock fans remember. It was a strange period in musical history, for those of us forced to listen to the radio. The obligatory sap-ballad was a requirement for any band of this ilk to receive airplay. Most times, the rocking tracks on the discs went unheard by the music populous. Thus phrases like, "This song sucks, but the album is actually pretty good" became commonplace among 80s rock fans. Even so, it's silly to dismiss the entire hard rock scene from 1980-1993 as totally lame just because of the way things ended. So, we decided to list a few keepers from bands that focused on leather, motorcycles, wild guitars, screwing, and partying (not necessarily in that order).

10. DAVID LEE ROTH - "Eat 'Em And Smile, 1986: Undeterred by his departure from VH, Roth opens up a new three-ring circus in 1986. Originally designed as the soundtrack to his movie debut, "Eat 'Em And Smile" is a technicolor stereo explosion encompassing everything from jungle warpaint to Sinatra; from lounge rock to coconuts. Former Zappa guitar prodigy Steve Vai peppers every track with remarkable, hook-laden blues guitar, played at ridiculous velocities. Vai's skillful horn arrangements in "That's Life" and "I'm Easy" add an air of musical credibility to Roth's madcap delivery. The band is exceptionally tight throughout the record, delivering a dizzying version of TALAS' "Shy Boy", and a

flashy, bold take on the 60s NASHVILLE TEENS hit "Tobacco Road". It's wacky and wild, and packaged up like a boat drink with a giant cocktail umbrella. Unfortunately, Roth's blockbuster movie never came to pass, but the album proved to be his strongest musical venture since "Diver Down".

9. TWISTED SISTER - "Under The Blade", 1982: The rancorous debut of NYC's TWISTED SISTER effectively proved that dressing in drag doesn't have to get in the way of kicking ass. Despite the high heels and makeup, the tunes are hard-as-nails JUDAS PRIEST worship, from the smoldering lurch of "Destroyer" to the forehead-bruising anthem "Shoot 'Em Down". Dee Snider's snarling, fuck-em-all lyrical charisma is the perfect foil to the band's five-chord skullbusters and twin guitar flash. Okay, so "Day of the Rocker" sounds like "Rocky Mountain Way" a little - so what? Hey you in the back with the IRON MAIDEN shirt! What, are you too cool to come up and bang your head with the rest of us?

8. TESLA - "Mechanical Resonance", 1986: While a vast number of their contemporaries focused on hip clothes and piling on hairspray, the TESLA boys delivered low-slung, Zep-flavored slabs of impressive quality and consistency. The debut, "Mechanical Resonance" has it all - thundering cymbal crashes, shimmering guitar duels, memorable songs, and a crooner's crooner in Jeff Keith. The disc alternates catchy fretboard-crazed rockers like "Comin' Atcha Live" with bombastic blues rock a la "Gettin Better" (which sounds like a bonus track from the first RUSH album). But the real showstopper here is "Modern Day Cowboy", a rollercoaster ride of impossible speed licks, booming drums, and classy acoustic interludes.

7. DOKKEN: "Tooth & Nail", 1984: If there's one album that captures the might and magic of the 80s LA rock sound, this is it. DOKKEN's sophomore disc brags a superb, hook-heavy collection of songs augmented by the dreamiest vocal harmonies this side of QUEEN, and George Lynch's endless barrage of climactic axe attacks. The give and take between Dokken and Lynch keeps things incredibly fresh, avoiding the filler-esque formulas that many bands of the genre would develop. Just when "Bullets To Spare" starts to run out of gas, Lynch saves it with a gorgeous melodic interlude. Dokken's striking vocal performance in "Alone Again" is sideswiped by a ripping solo that ups

the ante. Not to mention the wicked riffing in "When Heaven Comes Down" - the heaviest riff of the hair metal era? Perhaps. While the follow-up, 1985's "Under Lock and Key" featured a fuller guitar sound and cleaned up Mick Brown's bass-drum-from-hell a little, it's tracklisting didn't boast the...um, teeth of this release. Yeah, sorry about that.

6. LA GUNS - "LA Guns", 1988: A few months after GNR's "Appetite" hit the racks, Tracii Guns and crew answered with this rough-cut sleaze gem. Eschewing the layered melodic choruses and processed guitar tones of their contemporaries, this debut opts for punishing blues-based riffs, screaming, no-bullshit solos, and Kelly Nickels' warm basslines. The songwriting is exceptionally strong, striking a rare balance between memorable hooks and gut-level delivery. Sure, the lyrics to "Sex Action" are a little dopey, but "Nothin to Lose" packs a gruff "Get Your Wings" era AEROSMITH vibe, and the snaking, chugging rhythm of "One More Reason" is a convincing blueprint for stripped-down LA biker sleaze.

Interestingly, the husky vocals of former GIRL frontman Phil Lewis and Jim Faraci's garage-grit production still keep this album from sounding dated by today's standards.

5. Y&T - "Earthshaker", 1981: Dave Meniketti isn't often mentioned in the same sentence as San Francisco music legends like SANTANA, THE FLAMIN' GROOVIES, BLUE CHEER or METALLICA, but judging from this stellar release, he ought to be. Dave's beefy vocals out-classed many frontmen of the time period, and his lead playing is simply impeccable. "Earthshaker" is a drop-the-needle type of release rife with hotspots like the live-in-the-studio groove of "Dirty Girl", the powerhouse vocals and sweet vibrato action of "Rescue Me", and the freewheeling axe attack of "Hurricane". All of this is peppered with Dave's endlessly phallic lyrical themes, landing it squarely in the must-have category for the genre.

4. SKID ROW - "Slave To The Grind", 1991: No other band in history has defied the much-dreaded sophomore slump with more ferocity than this Jersey quintet. After the success of the power ballad singles “18 and Life” and “I Remember You” from their self-titled debut, one would have guessed that they’d play it safe and fill their next album with a bunch of radio-friendly pop rock. So of course they did what any sensible high-profile rock band would do: knock the industry on their asses with a well-needed injection of metal to their sound, thereby prolonging the life of the scene for at least a few more years. Bon Jovi protégés my ass! “Monkey Business” is a perfect intro track,

as the bluesy intro is shattered by Sebastian Bach’s signature banshee wail and Snake’s pummeling riffs. Then of course we have the title track with its near-speed metal aggression – proof positive that this is a band that delivers far beyond top 40 singles. Hell, everything’s better this time around. “Livin’ on a Chain Gang” may very well by Sebastian’s best vocal performance ever, “Get the Fuck Out” has a wealth of filth and sleaze to rival anything Blackie Lawless ever did, and the punk-infused “Riot Act” is the anthem of rebellion that “Youth Gone Wild” wishes it was. And while there are still a few ballads in the mix, the maturity and sincerity of “In a Darkened Room” and “Wasted Time” will make folks never want to bother with that “18 and Life” shit again. Oh and lest we forget, this was the first metal album to debut at #1 on Billboard. Up yours, Kip Winger!

3. SCORPIONS - "Blackout", 1982: While the psych-oriented Schenker / Roth period of SCORPIONS history will always be our favorite around here, the band's 80s evolution into a hard rock powerhouse deserves serious props. 1982's "Blackout" is a dazzling stadium rock gem, packed with luscious vocals, knockout choruses, and guitars, guitars, guitars. Matthias Jabs can't wait to take off, dousing every track with crisp, snappy Schenker-esque fret burn. Tracks like "You Give Me All I Need" and the hellblazing title track weave recklessly between stunning clean hooks and riffs that positively jump from the speakers. Sometimes, experience makes all the difference, and with tons of great records under their belt, THE SCORPS showed no signs of slowing down for years to come. Plus, that album cover kicks serious ass.

2. KIX - "Kix", 1981: Although '81 was a year crowded with amazing releases in grand halls of hard rock and metal, the Tom Allom-produced debut from KIX remains something very special. Yes, "The Itch" has exactly the same riff as AC/DC's "Next to the Moon". Sure, you can detect a little of Steve Whiteman's propensity to stutter here and there. But there's nary a better set of playful, cruisin' hook-laden rock tunes dripping with testosterone than you'll find on that debut spinner. The riff from "The Kid" is potent enough to make the tacky paneling in your den curl up. Poppy stuff like "Heartache" and "Contrary Mary" is pure teen-cock-driven magic, odes to bras stashed under the front

seat, and they're practically impossible to chase out of your thinker. The bouncy closer, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" does this studio-to-live transition a la AEROSMITH's version of "Train Kept a Rollin". Pick it up, hon.

1. GUNS N ROSES - "Appetite For Destruction", 1987: It wasn't a typical sort of recommendation from Ray Dorsey. Most of his snail mail picks, scrawled on torn, coffee-stained loose leaf paper centered around thrash metal, progressive rock, or obscure 70s killers. But rushing out to buy this sleazy rock record in late 1987 paid off handsomely. Sure, it was on a major label, but one listen to this trashy, gut-level juggernaut revealed it's staggering authenticity. GNR exposed the other tight-pants, pseudo-dropout fare of the time period (RATT, CRUE, etc.) as the charlatans that they were. While it's hard to imagine now, Axl's R-rated lyrics and schizophrenic vocal talents

merging with Slash's fresh, Joe Perry-esque Les Paul action was shockingly heavy on every front. Mike Clink's legendary production job yielded one of the tightest, most fluid-sounding rock records since the VAN HALEN debut. The seemingly endless barrage of riffing in "Nightrain", "It's So Easy" and "Mr. Brownstone" mingled in the space of fantastic arrangements with compelling melodic blues turnarounds and lyrical solos from Slash. Even so, we were shocked when the songs began to receive airplay. "Appetite For Destruction" sent many a puffed-up 80s glam poser back to the drawing board. A hint for the uninitiated: This is what rock 'n roll is supposed to sound like.

Bizarro fringe pick: CELTIC FROST - "Cold Lake", 1988: Yes, this is a total sellout album. Yes, it is mind-blowing to consider that this is the very same band that emerged from the black roots of HELLHAMMER. Yes, Tom G. Warrior – sorry – Thomas Gabriel was without question the ugliest woman in the 80s. And yes, most of us would rather scoop our own eyes out with a rusty spoon than to ever again look at Curt Victor Bryant’s open fly on the back cover. But for shits and giggles, let’s get some historical significance. While “Into the Pandemonium” may have been the band’s crowning artistic achievement, Tom G. has gone on record several times regarding how exhausting it was to make

(enough to completely disintegrate the band). His luck changed, however, when he recruited a new line-up (including original CF drummer Stephen Priestly) and his wife Michelle, who does guest vocals throughout the album. In other words, what we have here is a happy Tom G. writing happy songs, so at least the dude’s heart was in the right place. Sure, songs like “Seduce Me Tonight” and “Dance Sleazy” don’t have as much appeal or authenticity as many of the other hair acts of the day, but there are moments like “Roses Without Thorns” and “Downtown Hanoi” where the combination of sleaze and extreme metal actually works. Plus, the FROST of old rears its ugly head with capable rockers “(Once) They Were Eagles” and “Juices Like Wine,” not to mention the snippet of “Procreation (of the Wicked)” snuck into “Tease Me.” It should also be noted that Oliver Amberg was the first lead guitarist who recorded with FROST who could actually play. A word of warning, though: Get your feet wet with follow-up “Vanity/Nemesis” before diving head-first (no pun intended) into this one.

MOTLEY CRUE - "Too Fast For Love", 1981: Listening to this debut, it seems like some strange miracle that this band was ever signed. Some record exec must have gotten a major BJ for the deal, because THE CRUE sucked to the point of absolute comedy. Forget that Thunderstick guy, Tommy Lee's got a cowbell and he's determined to force it into every song. The stumbling cut-and-paste solo portion of "Come On And Dance" is a cringe-inducing mess. Neil's whiney take on Stiv Bators with that "Another one died tonight" shtick is unconvincing to point of hilarity. Do you think he repeats the chorus enough in "Merry Go Round"? Seriously, forget about Rick Rubin and METALLICA -

Tom Werman deserves a medal of honor for making this pathetic train wreck of a band sound semi-cohesive for 1983's "Shout At The Devil". Of course, by then the boys had learned the art of aping, from the pseudo-MAIDEN interlude "God Bless the Children of the Beast" to the rewrite of KISS' "God of Thunder" serving as the title track to PRIEST's "Grinder" presented as "Knock 'Em Dead, Kid". Consequently, listening to "Shout at the Devil" has a sort of cheap, K-Martish quality to this day. But focusing on car crashes, drugs, and groupies won the band enough notoriety to gain future studio help from Werman and other big-name producers. Hey, if you do anything long enough with professional assistance, it's liable to pay off eventually.

W.A.S.P. - "W.A.S.P.", 1984: For all of Blackie's outlandish, meat-flipping, buzzsaw-toting horrorspeak, they sound a lot like a bastardized version of SLADE, don't they? At any rate, we've got nothin' but love for this one. For a more detailed take on the album, check out Russ' excellent Cheap Seats Guide to W.A.S.P.

WHITESNAKE - "Whitesnake", 1987: There are many aspects of David Coverdale's career that command respect: DEEP PURPLE's "Burn" and "Stormbringer" releases, the gritty blues-boogie performances of the Lord / Marsden / Moody records, and side one of "Slide It In" are just a few. Unfortunately, this synthetic, cosmetically buffed spinner from the re-engineered version of the band isn't one of them. Many of the traits that made this platter sound so bitchin' to your girlfriend back in '87 are what make it so hard to take today: the reverb-drenched vocals, the fluffy keys and whammy dives in "Give Me All Your Love", the Muzak-lite hit "Is This Love", etc. There's no denying the disc has

bright spots (Lordy, it's been reissued more often than the King James Bible). Tapping into the Zep nostalgia craze of the time period with "Still of the Night" was a stroke of genius, and the mullet-shakin' licks of "Bad Boys" are admirable rocking fare. But there's a strange sort of "Here Comes the Bride" vibe to the organ intro of "Here I Go Again" (not to mention that the track had already been released years prior, along with "Cryin' In The Rain". Boooo!). There's just too many superficial elements to the record, and too many reminders of the puffy production trends that killed so many great NWOBHM bands. Sorry Mr. Coverdale...You have wasted the love I tasted.

Closing thoughts: While it's obvious that the sleaze / glam / hair metal genre produced more than it's fair share of clunkers in the 80s, it's important to acknowledge the dizzying guitar talent and pulse-raising excitement of the genre's bigger talents. Most of the articles you'll find on the web and in print these days are thrown together for a cheap laugh (usually by snotty alt-rockers that were in diapers when "Appetite For Destruction" was released). For intelligent further reading, we recommend Bill Leslie's excellent Rock of Ages site, and Skid's fanatically detailed Sleaze-Roxx site. Check 'em out and show some love for seven-inch leather heels.   - Cardona, Marchman

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