Each time we enter a new year, furiously tallying the best-ofs, worst-ofs, and no-shows of the previous, I consider mentioning an album that wins for best straight-ahead dashboard rattle. There' always a volume-up-windows-down killer that seems to get knocked out of people's top tens by the MARS VOLTAs and MASTODONS of the world. As you probably have guessed by now, this PRIESTESS disc is my pick.

Once you get past the cool name, (reminds me of classics like SISTER and GIRL) and cool digipack, you're greeted with a collection of twelve air-guitar anthems that easily eclipse FIREBALL MINISTRY, DIAMOND NIGHTS and the entire Small Stone catalog.

Fans of THE CULT or LEADFOOT will drool over Mike Heppner's vocal grit, as well as the simple grooves and occasional guitar harmonies that peek out of "Lay Down"' and "Two Kids". "Run Home" flaunts partyin' riffs a la "High & Dry" while leads wrangle left and right, like MOLLY HATCHET huffin' paint thinner. But even if the first few tracks fail to raise your pulse, by track five you're a goner. The glossy chorus of "Talk to Her" is pure, wicked butt-shaking lasciviousness that no fan of the rock can withstand. I defy you to try! It reminds me of 80s Bob Rock production before he lost all credibility in the world of music.

Lyrically, things are dark on the surface, particularly in the aforementioned "Two Kids", but there seem to be glimmers of hope lurking elsewhere. It's tempting to take "No Real Pain" at face value ("I've been dwelling in the ditch for years / but I can't complain / 'cause there's no real pain"), but my tongue-in-cheek-ometer seems to be going off. But just when you think it's all about darkness and death, "The Shakes" blows the bell curve with a simple ode to a loved one in the lyrical vein of ZEP's "Thank You" (but musically sounding quite simi liar to NWOBHM gods GASKIN!), hinting that these Canadians have brains to go with the bombast.

We both know that you've been slackin' even more than usual lately and you don't deserve it, but the PRIESTESS guys will probably sell you a copy of "Hello Master" if you ask them nicely. When they do, just thank your lucky stars and bow to the new gods. They're coming to your town soon with the likes of EARLY MAN and SWORD so don't blow it.

- Marchman

OFFICIAL SITE: www.priestessband.com

RELATED ITEMS: PRIESTESS interview, 2005.