The kids these days sure like their war. Or at least these kids do. I call them kids because apparently they're all in their teens and early twenties (well since I was so late sending this in maybe they've hit their thirty's by now). Yesser! These boys like war so much every goddamn song is about it. They're probably beating off to war footage right now as I type. Somewhere in California I can only hope they are at their local recruiting center enlisting on this fine Saturday morning.

I say "I can only hope" because I'm astounded at the amount of single (simple) mindedness that went into this album. Yes, from "Total War" to "Combat Shock" they give G.I. Joe more anthems than he could ever use. So, naturally, I would assume such war-minded youths would want to get a taste of the action. Let Johnny, Adam, Johnny, Andy, and Ryan get their guns. Let 'em fight the enemy. Lead the crusade. Whatever. I'm sure the military could use a buncha soft stick-figure physiques with girl hair in their ranks. Hell, they're taking anyone they can these days I hear.

Before they go, I hope they pay back WEHRMACHT for stealing the lettering in their logo design, and pay back all the bands whose riffs they lifted. I also expect that if they record again they wait until their vocalist's voice will stop cracking when he tries to sound "all hard". Listen to the poor pube try to sound tough on any number of tracks and it's almost cute. Like, where's the bonus video of them saying grace before dinner with the folks? "John, will you please pass the rolls?" "WAAAAAAAAAAAA(insert crack here)AAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!" This could be that little kid band from "America's Next Great Band". Seriously. They were the funniest thing about that show besides Zolar X showing up on it.

Anyways, if pubescent generithrash about war is your gig, then c'mon down!

- Two Tub Tony

OFFICIAL SITE: myspace.com/warbringer

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