The bio boasts that these guys are hot shit. And I know what your thinking, most bios do that, dumbass! It’s just that the choice of words can be comical at times. Take The Handshake Murders for instance. Apparently their new record “is a lesson in extreme music. There is not a single note played that doesn’t absolutely cripple the listener”. Now having heard the whole CD at this point I can fully agree with that statement. You do kind of feel beat down after hearing it. The band classifies itself as “metalcore” and I guess that’s a good description. I hear hardcore, screamo and a bit of death metal. Is that what metalcore is? Someone please school me please. I wish I was in the vicinity of a computer with the internet (for those of you who don’t know, I live below the poverty level and have to go to the fucking library) so I could go to the BNR Metal Site so Brian can share his infinite metal wisdom.

The band spends a good portion of it’s time in “breakdown” mode. There are some cool time changes here and there. And they do sound a tad like MESHUGGAH sans the amazing bass (which to me is the best thing about that band by far). The problem with this sort of extreme music is that there are no hooks, riffs or chords of any kind that stick with the listener. At times I think I hear some of the diminished dissonance from the guitars that make me think of VOIVOD. Sometimes one of the guitarists will do some little lead noodling to give the track some identity but that just ain’t cutting it. The annoying vocalist likes to yell the same phrases out over and over at the song’s end. “I’ll Rip Your Throat Out” Ad infinitum. “You Kill The Something Or Other” Ad nausea. You would think that after hearing it 20 fucking times I could decipher the last two words. I rewound the dim-witted disc like three goddamn times and still could not figure it out. I guess if it had the words I could tell. I guess they are saving the lyric sheet for the kids. By and large these screamo promos almost always come in some cheap cardboard sleeve so my poor ass can’t resell them. All right, I’ve now endured this Chinese Water Torture twice already and there is no need for further exchange. Over and out.

- Herring

OFFICIAL SITE:: www.thehandshakemurders.com

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