Joke bands are never easy to wrap one's head around, but the long and short of this one is as follows: CROM is the whimsical outlet for Phil Vera, who's been involved in other LA metal/hardcore bands such as 16 and DESPISE YOU. If the name sounds familiar, it's because - geek alert - CROM is the fictional deity of Conan the Barbarian (this explains why the band's logo should also look familiar).

This of course leads us into the main problem with "Hot Sumerian Nights", which is that these guys like to borrow - A LOT. There are more samples here than a P. Diddy record, and when the songs are so damn short (some tracks are only around 25 seconds) this becomes a damning distraction. It's a shame when these guys are capable of delivering some pretty tight sludgy thrash, and then proceed to ruin the moment with either Marty Friedman's flamenco lick in "Holy Wars…The Punishment Due" or the second half of "Layla" or "Werewolves in London" for no apparent reason. Hell, even the inside cover art is on loan, since it consists of - stay with me here - a collage of collages from other bands' inside cover art. I recognize SUICIDAL TENDENCIES and NUCLEAR ASSAULT, though I'm sure there's more.

Basically, "Hot Sumerian Nights" is about an essential a purchase as, say, Devin Townsend's PUNKY BRÜSTER side project… which is to say not very essential. Their hearts are in the right place and they're no doubt quite a spectacle on stage, but on record the novelty wears off quickly. In short, Vera said it best in an interview with ex-MTV VJ Iann Robinson when stating that he wanted the CROM legacy to be "I don't get it." It sounds like he's well on his way.

- Cardona

OFFICIAL SITE: myspace.com/crom1

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