I fucking hate reviewing comps. You have to review each band separately. You have to be able to distinguish each band from one another, which means you have to actually listen rather than just absorb. I looked at this and it screamed boring bar bands playing cock rock too fast, with harder vocals. There's a terrible trend in music! I don't care if you play at MOTÖRHEAD speeds, it still sounds like any cock rock band trying to sound "up to date". I popped it in and here's what I got:

MURDOCK : Dude, you sound like BUCKCHERRY trying to play at MOTÖRHEAD speed. The first song even references MOTÖRHEAD's biggest hit. Come the fuck on! You have to be kidding me! These guys probably cover it and have the balls to tell people afterwards (like the don't know) "That was a cover". No shit Sherlock! Second song is supposed to be a "fight song" but when you sound like some ex-hair spray queen funny boy I'm just not buying it. Good Lord! This douche even does the "GUITAR!" before the solo. Gee I always wondered what the sound was. Maybe a harmonica? Ukulele? Piano? Well, now that he told me it was a guitar I can sleep better at night! That shit is as stale as going "Take it (insert guitar player's name)!" before the solo. On "Midnight Train" he also reminds you that they are in fact playing rock. Which is a relief because I kept thinking it was jump swing or the dulcet crooning of an Inuit Eskimo recorded live in an igloo. I wonder if they know there's already a ZEKE? Probably not because if they did they would stop.

THE BEAUTIFUL MOTHERS : Well, I know these folks are "top dogs" here at pdm.com, (har, har!) but I just don't get it. I listened again & again & I personally just do not get it. Maybe it's the whole comp thing. I don't like them when they stretch over one song a band with a maximum of 10 bands doing that and they all better be really good. Hell, I helped put out a comp ep and I could barely make it thru the 7 bands on that (and it was less than 15 minutes total if I recall correctly). Maybe I just don't get it. Oh well.

JACKMOVE : Good Lord! Make it stop! The vocals are more intense but it's the same shit as the previous two. They shoulda called this "riffs recycled from ZEKE". I get it dude. You got greasy hair. You like MOTÖRHEAD. You're gonna rock it tonight. They don't seem to get that the 'Head always has a sense of irony and comedy to their tunes. Do you really think Lemmy spends much time writing songs? Pssh. These guys and the others all sound too serious to be fun. "I can please any woman blah blah blah" with your substandard wang and inferior rocking powers? K. "Adelle" starts almost like an out take from "Shout At The Devil". Lotsa songs about walkin' on this cd. I fucking hate walking.

BUCKWILDZ : Starts with a direct ZEKE ripoff. Major points off of the Z dudes. Fuckin lame. I can't even listen anymore. It's fucking awful.

Two Tub's final verdict: Guilty on all charges! Rock 'n' roll is supposed to be fun. It should be tongue in cheek. It should be loose. You shouldn't have to think about it. It should just happen. This cd is a fine example of taking the irony and fun out of it. Turning it into boring music that's a chore to listen to. Bottom line, your cd is now a coaster under my energy drink as we speak. Don't like it? Blow me. Or at least send me some hate mail. Ain't had none in a long time.

- Two Tub Tony

RELATED ITEMS: No related articles at this time.