Basically what we have here is a WHITE STRIPES 33 rpm record at 45 rpm. It's essentially the same formula. Take one part "Nuggets" and join it with one part bloozey glop. It's not even as convincing as THE WHITE STRIPES and I hate that band. They try to punk it out with tempos that are slightly slower than, say, THE MIDNIGHT BOMBERS at their fastest. They're just boring to me. Every town has one and this is probably one of the bands I was referring to in my open letter.

It's so mediocre I'd throw it at the wall, but I'm too lazy right now even to be bothered. That's a fucking shame because when a record showed up I got a little excited. I admit, I'm a vinyl junkie. When I have the cash I can easily drop hundreds on the stuff. I'm known to spend hours picking thru every record in a store in search of the elusive gold. But, rather than be inspired to play this again, like I was with the DEFECTOR "Punk System Destroy" EP (the fucking guitar sounds like a vacuum cleaner!) or even the beat copy of JAMES BROWN's "Funky President (People It's Bad)" I have rotating right now. I'd rather listen to James talkin bout "People, people! Gotta get together! Buy some land!" and "Save our money! Like the mob!" thru a layer of static thicker than the pile of butts to my right.

So, in closing, what we have here is sheer mediocrity. It is well played, but, so are all those crummy pop emo bands on the radio and they move me about as much. All I can think about is my fresh shiner from a weekend in Cleveland and how a cover band I saw there was better than this. At least they were honest about their sham. There was no copping out, just fine covers of some of my favorite obscure hardcore punk tunes. If I have to pick between a buncha yobbos covering ALBERT Y LOS TRIOS PARANOIAS' "...Kill" and this band (the 1,000 white punk gar(b)age blooze rip off shleppers), I'll take the honest cover band. At least they admit they're a buncha unoriginal hacks.

- Two Tub Tony

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