"There's a new band every week" - The Zounds. Good lord! Truer words have never been spoken. Week after week people there are new bands. Every one of them thinks they are special. That they are THEE BAND! You know, the one that will take you to the promised land, over the edge and back, change your life, etc. Well, what we have here can't even inspire me to change my clothes. Let's backtrack shall we?

So last night we had Mad Myke, merch guy extraordinaire, and Liz over (regulars to the manor) and we proceeded to plow thru the booze and tunes into a state of frenzy that felt much like utopia. Bottle after bottle, great jam after great jam, the mini party turned into a maddening state that made me feel so alive and excited about life. Y'see, when not swinging around banisters, threatening bodily harm to all who don't like whatever I'm listening to, drinking random bottles of whatever (and then regretting it an hour later, and other assorted hoopla), I'm a rock 'n roll animal. I live for those moments of drunken nirvana when you're in the bag and that wild tune comes on and all you can do is drunkenly slur your way through it. Last night it was "Muff Divin (In Wilkie South)" by the GIZMOS. You know the one. Anyways, in between rambling along to the song I decided I would give this disc one last jukebox jury pooling. I popped on "Speeder" and the room went dead. Goddamn song sounds like limp dick KISS. Seriously, it sounds like a shit version of something off of the first record. I think I wanna say "Deuce" but I could be wrong and, besides, you can't blame me. I'm hung over for cryin out loud! Before I go any further, let me just say this is what every song sounds like. The song remains lame I guess.

Now I didn't even mention that they misspell PHLEGM yet or the BOWIE ripoff cover art but I guess now's the time. And what the hell is with the quote from "Almost Famous"? That movie sucked. Lester Bangs is rolling in Romilar from beyond the grave over this. Everyone knows you don't quote movie bits from a guy who made "Singles" for cryin out loud! Regardless, before I go on and on and forget to eat my dry toast and drink a lot of water I'll just say that I've heard a lot of hack rock 'n roll bands in my time but this one is up there. I strongly suggest we put up the back photo of the band so people can see the vocalist "Rev. Chum" in a tye dye shirt shaking a tambourine. I mean, I like some hippie music but dude! It's 2000 fucking 5! At least I know that if they ever come to Detroit all I need to do is throw a hacky sack on stage and they'll stop playing music. Goddammit! I am annoyed and my jeans stink. Nuff said!

- Two Tub Tony

OFFICIAL SITE: http://nastymaggots.com

MP3 SOUND SCRAP: Tomfoolery Nights

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