Ever read a glowing review of an album that's impossible to find? Punk and psych collectors love to write 'em. It's the greatest thing since sliced bread, dirtier than MOTÖRHEAD on steroids, crunchier than "Ride the Lightning" rolled in potato chips. But it just happens to be one of 250 hand-numbered vinyl goodies, and finders keepers. The guys that kept their baseball cards in the little sleeves under lock and key eventually moved on to Ebay and music collecting, and nothing makes them feel better than gloating. Sure, we could write reviews all day long, raving about U8's "Pegasus 1001" or COURAGE's "Gold and Ivory" EP, but doesn't it make more sense to promote music that's actually gettable?

THE ACCÜSED are just such a band. Their albums are stellar, unique, entertaining, rock like crazy, and are almost entirely out of print. It never seemed to make a lot of sense to praise the badass, chugging riffs, impeccable drumming, and banshee screams in a forum like this. Their legendary platters like "More Fun Than an Open Casket Funeral" and "Hymns for the Deranged" were long gone, fetching ridiculous prices on Ebay. Why rub it in?

The good news is, "The Baked Tapes" provides a chance for the youth of today to experience one of the greatest crossover punk bands in history. The bad news is, it's a limited pressing and (you probably already knew) once these are gone, that's it. Jack Endino was recruited by the band to bring their moldy old master tapes to life using his strange 'tape baking' oven process. The results are spectacular. The funhouse mirror weirdness and ridiculous drumming of "Halo of Flies" has never sounded better. The mind-bending stop/start thrash attack of "Brutality and Corruption" sounds beefy and jagged. Blaine Cook's inhuman screams are more likely to bring plaster down than ever before as you crank this hunk of wax. It also includes my personal favorite cover of all time, ACCÜSED doing HEART's "Barracuda", which actually is crunchier than "Ride the Lightning" covered in potato chips. So if you're interested in a beautifully packaged, sonic beast that'll probably be a collectors item in a matter of hours, grab a copy of "The Baked Tapes." While you're at it, pick up the 34-song "Archive Tapes" LP, and double your pleasure before they're gone.

-Marchman

OFFICIAL SITE: www.splatterrock.com

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