Relax man. Now breathe deep. No, really take a deep breath. Uncle DMD is here to relate where you are coming from, dudes. Ululate all your anger and resentment towards the world. Tell me everything. Yell me everything!! I understand your pain. Hell, I FEEL your pain. Expose all your foibles. Do not be ashamed. As a fellow artist and a brother in the world of rock and roll I know the score. Think of your music as therapy. That’s what it’s for. Is it not? Tell your parents and girlfriends that all their yelling and cursing make you feel like not a person. Is this the way she sees me? After all, our backs are to the wall. Shout. Shout. Let it all out. Tell society that these are the things that you can do without. Come on. I’m talking to you. Come On. I’m here to help.

I’m here to help these friggin’ twerps to the nearest bridge so’s I can assist them in solving the real mysteries of the mortal coil. This is more gawd awful screamo garbage with the cheesy HOOBASTANK melodic emo vocals mixed with the scratchy screamer. Musically they have very little to set themselves apart from their peers and how I wish this terrible musical movement in metal could be thwarted at this juncture. Enough already! I guess Metal Blade is really looking to cash in on these sensitive little tykes. They really should think twice about this, get some quality therapy of their own (time for a shrink guys, really what the hell were you thinking anyways), fire A&R guy Brian Slagel as briskly as possible, drop this wretched abomination from their roster and concentrate on their better recent signees. THE CLASSIC STRUGGLE, 3, APIARY, and NEAERA are all well deserving groups with something to contribute. PHOENIX MOURNING (fucking horrible name) is quite possibly the worst band on the face of the earth and it’s abject cannot be exaggerated in any way, shape or form. God how I hope this sub moronically titled “When Excuses Become Antiques” blowfest bombs on release. This shit’s the pits, daddy-o. FUCK A BUNCH OF PHOENIX MOURNING!!!

- Herring

OFFICIAL SITE: myspace.com/phoenixmourning

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