Normally, when an album this shitty reaches my mailbox, I would ignore it and try to convince my editor that it got lost in the mail. This one, however, I feel compelled to explicitly warn our readers about. ALESANA is yet one more in an impossibly long line of whiny ass emo/screamo bands that have the audacity to ask for praise and promotion from a legitimate rock website. This one has one thing unique about them, though: much like the disastrous fiasco known as SLIPKNOT, these guys suffer from "why the fuck does it take so many people to make such garbage" disease.

This band consists of no fewer than six little punk kids sporting stupid looking dyed black shag hair, lip rings and vacant expressions. One of them shrieks like Ihsahn from EMPEROR (and without the actual music of EMPEROR, this sounds really, really bad), and another has a shrill singing voice that makes Geddy Lee sound as manly as Chuck Norris. And just like every other fucking band cut from the same mold, they want their audience to believe beyond the shadow of a doubt that they're brilliant and inspired artisans with something important to say, using sensitive sounding poetry that, in the case of the intro and album title, they didn't even come up with. News flash to the kiddies out there: these guys are NOT brilliant and inspired artisans with something important to say. They are six little punk kids trying to get laid. And as a concerned music journalist, I cannot sit idly by and watch a bunch of infantile bitch boys try and defile our sisters and daughters. I recommend nipping this problem in the bud and clipping their balls right off NOW. Come to think of it, their clean vocalist probably doesn't have any, so there's one less to worry about…

- Cardona

OFFICIAL SITE: myspace.com/alesana

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