Yes, we have officially come full circle. One of the regions where our modern swarm of American snore metal bands has been doing the most ripping off is now reciprocating the emulation. Norway’s SHE SAID DESTROY is going to sound awfully familiar to those who’ve had the misfortune of being exposed to Victory Records’ current lineup—basically what “Time Like Vines” has to offer is paint-by-numbers guitar lead-free death-core that shows a minute amount of audacity, but not nearly enough to save it from the mundane.

Granted, unlike a lot of bands of this genre, these guys do try and mix things up with fairly frequent key and time signature changes, and the growlies found within don’t immediately make me want to tear my own hair out. And sure, there are even a few marginally interesting moments, such as the ssporadic blast beat tantrums, and unexpected little “tributes” to other bands, like the end of “Beyond the Borders of our Minds” that sounds just like a SATYRICON riff. All the same, nothing can save this CD from being a chore to listen to. Clearly these guys would give their left nuts to be THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN, and I wish I had a dollar for every band I’ve heard with the same aspiration (hint: goals are good, but don’t make it so obvious!). And what the fuck is up with the name of this band anyway? I’m so bloody sick of all these kids browsing the classic lit section of their local libraries trying to one-up each other with names they think are so damn brilliant. And for the record, I highly question how familiar AS I LAY DYING is with William Faulkner.

In closing, I have yet another plea to the new generation of metal bands: pretty, pretty please with sugar on top quit trying to fake ingenuity and intellect! It’s okay to be a stupid band—there are plenty of successful ones out there. Also, if the technical skill required for fucking guitar leads is in such short supply, and the only available option is to play noise, then by all means play noise and be proud to play noise! Just don’t try to pass it off as clever, squeaky-clean, marketable product. Speaking of marketing product, although I will deeply regret not being able to give the new MITHRAS a perfect score later this year, I think we still come up ahead in this situation. Good fucking riddance, Candlelight…

- Cardona

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