My immediate impression is MR BUNGLE vs. JOE SATRIANI. The keyboards have that Roddy Bottom (FNM) atmosphere to them at times. Sometimes they are just too clean and digital-sounding (early DEVO it ain’t). Although the playing is top-notch it has this “clean as a baby’s butt” style production that I find a tad too slick. I cannot imagine this to have been done on analog tape at any stage of the production. It has Pro Tools written all over it. That said, at times the band remind me of MAHAVISHNU ORCHESTRA on steroids. This can be a beautiful thing. Then the clean guitar interludes (with obligatory fretless 5-string bass) come in and ruin everything. I know guys (ie: serious wankers) that would give me a rash of shit to no end for criticizing this type of music, but the slickness really kills it for me. Then, before I am done talking shit the Moog/Arp style keyboard solo that makes me think of Jan Hammer’s best work with Jeff Beck gets me juices pumpin’. Then I notice the tight yucky sounding snare and some yucky funk-metal to go along with it. Next the acoustic Al Dimeola-like nylon string guitar would not sound so bad if it were not so friggin sterile (or so well…Dimeola-like).

When the band gets to a full-on metal sound, things really start to gel. Then melody starts to settle in and gums it all up. Next up some hideous slap bass, snazzy jazzy piano and (of course) the shredding guitar. More annoying poppy snare and cheese keys that ruin some of the best shredding this disc has to offer (and what a long disc this is – God it won’t fucking end already). I have to apologize to you the dear reader, for such a jittery jumpy jarring review. I find it fitting considering you would get the same feeling that I get while listening to this crap. That is, unless you are one of my wankfest friends. You probably know the type. You know the guy who never stops talking about music ever (non-stop my friends) until your ears bleed, thinks that DREAM THEATER (and all those side projects) are the cat’s meow, dismisses great bands like BIG BLACK, SONIC YOUTH and YO LA TENGO as having nothing to offer because there is no virtuosity, and believes every single KING CRIMSON album (even garbage like "Thrak") has no shit-stank. Get this CD for them. I will give mine to a friend who I know will (predictably) love it. I am going to have to listen to some “brutal prog” (al la RUINS, FLYING LUTTENBACHERS, HELLA, etc.) or some “brutal metal” (a la MORBID ANGEL, NAPALM DEATH, GOREGUTS, etc.) to wash my hands of this smartguy twinkieboy bedroom player sit-at-home suckarama!! Blecccchhhh!!!!

- Herring

OFFICIAL SITE: www.joopwolters.net

MP3 SOUND SCRAP: The Crash

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