Ok, so this review is probably late and I'm not really worried about it because I have my handy dandy punk rock watch on. With Ronco's new punk rock watch you can always justify being late with just a simple reply of "I run on punk rock time mufuh!" Which will allow you to be anywhere from an hour to 2 weeks late for anything and ain't no one gonna say shiiiiiiyt! So, here I am, back again for the first time, back down to the bidness of doin biznas with these here handy aluminum coasters. Yes, it's true! After one aborted mini tour (don't ask), one hellish recording session that isn't over yet, and a few minor stops along the way for thee partay. You know the ones i'm talkin 'bout. The one where the guy rides the bike into the pool at 2 am for a measly 15 bucks. The one where ol' Two Tub scares the neighbor kids with a Michael Jackson mask. Hell, even the one where the lawyer hands the punk weapons that the punk accidentally carves himself up with two seconds later. These were parties for the ages and even all tomorrows parties won't be enough to kill the memory. Or the hangover for that matter.

Now, I do believe at one of these here parties I did hear some NOVADRIVER. I'm not sure where, but I know I heard some somewhere. Probably somewhere prior to my yelling "Turn this shit off!" and popping in the new DARVOCETS recording or maybe some HAWKWIND. It was in there somewhere. I was probably talking to the wrestler about old happenings in Flint, MI, sucking down low-carb suds, and trying not to fall in the pool like I normally would. Regardless, I did hear some NOVADRIVER whilst going 90 down 75 headed homeward bound back to the manor. Somewhere between MILES DAVIS, that one ROCKET FROM THE CRYPT song I can't get enough of even though it ain't that good, and watchin' fer smokies praying they wouldn't pull me over and smell the whiskey and cola I had recently had. And what the hell is with a large chain grub joint not having fuggin ginger ale? Lady, it's not like I asked for Squirt or Fresca or some other fancy-ass crap that no one but diabetics and lunatics drink. Regardless, I know I slipped this in and all I could think of was that band that came around the same time as the first QOTSA album. It had Eddie Glass in it and I think some other people from FU MANCHU or somefin. Regardless, they was heralded as the second cumming of CREAM and were supposed to be godly. I bought a single and after one play quickly filed it away along with other disposable singles by bands like THE HOOKERS and such.

I know what you're thinking. "This guy don't know shit!" Mebbe I don't. Never really bothered to study shit. It's just always there y'see. And not knowing it has prevented me from knowing this band. It's supposed to be "stoner rock". Real "I can't believe I'm not on acid" dreck right? Well, it ain't. All I hear is some pop schlock shleppings with touches of grunge rock of yore which was really just KISS worship anyways (Seriously! Listen to almost any of thee grunge bands and tell me it don't sound like an underdeveloped version of one of the first 4 KISS studio albums! Of course I think "Kings Of Punk" sounds a lot like "Destroyer" at some parts and people think I'm wacky for that but listen to "Made To Be Broken" and "Flaming Youth" back to back duder). Now, we're way off course aren't we? But so is this seedy cee dee. The psychedelic warlord cover promises real mind altering action! But, the music just screams "middle of the road". This is music for people into watching Xtreme sports on ESPN. Fuck, I bet they have a cut on those crumbum comps that ESPN used to hock on people. I know FU MANCHU did, but they're another animal altogether and have some actual real rock action! This is just middle of the road lip service to both sides of the road. You get some brief lyrical wanderings into "Teenage Lust" in an age where sexual repression is non-existent. Some drug references which aren't very interesting. Some kick-up-some-dirt and kick-out-the-jams jazz that sounds rehashed and as fresh as a month-old loaf of bread. And so on.

I would love to hear this band at their beginnings. Maybe then I would get the fuss, cuz I know how that is. Hell, I was still excited to hear the new QOTSA and looked for redeeming moments. I listened to the new EASY ACTION despite it being a total letdown compared to the first album. I know how it is to have musical crutches. You got so used to ordering the same thing off the menu and now you just don't know what to do when the cook starts fucking it up. Brothers and sisters! Lemme see a sea of hands out there! The time has come! I encourage you to go out and sample other menus! Try new things! Leave your idols, messiahs, and the fucking number two special behind in search of the new! You may even learn to like it.

- Two Tub Tony

OFFICIAL SITE: myspace.com/novadriver

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