Nintendo and rock 'n roll? More like Nintendo and middle of the road radio rock. Hobbit motherfuckers with too much time on their hands I say! Ferchrissakes the first tune ("Freak Waves") is a straight ripoff of the first song on "Bleach" by NIRVANA, complete with shitty vocals like Chris Cornell singing cock rock. It's dullsville to the max. The added moments of atmospheric whatever do little to nothing to hide the obvious. These guys love middle-of the-road bore rock ala NICKELBACK and crappy prog wannabe bands who think if they play a circular riff, it will hide the crummy stuff. No dice bruddah!

This is music for jocks that attend Ozzfest and cheer for the opening bands that obviously suck balls. This is also for nerds playing D & D in a basement in Missoula, Montana wishing for the wild times to be had elsewhere. And while that might be kinda neat, those types aren't on my wave. This is the worst part of reviewing records. I have to come up with something more to say beyond "dog turd", cuz that's all I can really say about this here.

I guess the packaging is nice, even if it is the dullest shit ever. I envision their gigs to be filled with long hairs in glasses and RUSH t-shirts standing awkwardly and thinking about the cats they forgot to feed or wishing they had the balls to talk to the one girl there. While reviewing this I can't help but think of the cold beer & book to my right ("Escaping The Delta : Robert Johnson And The Invention Of The Blues") and the copy of Club to my left. All three have more to offer me than this boring crap. In a country fit for heroes, this is the biggest bomb since London. All you patriots I call on you to git em! If you don't, the terrorists win!

- Two Tub Tony

OFFICIAL SITE: www.eolb.com

MP3 SOUND SCRAP: Step the Mind Gap

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