Kids will listen to anything these days. I could end this review right there, but in the interest of keeping the loyal Peacedogman readers out there informed, I will do my best to continue.

Like a bunch of hipster brats who haven't completely outgrown nu-metal or taken their ritalin, Horse the Band pummels you until all hope for the future of the world is completely exorcised from your brain. The music is like a cross between SYSTEM OF A DOWN, some unnamed Mike Patton project, and Super Mario Brothers, the latter influence coming in the form of keyboardist Erik Engstrom. At first, I found the keyboard to be a quirky addition that set the band apart from the rest of the crappy mainstream bands out there. The synth digression into Rocky IV soundtrack territory mid-way through the opening track "Birdo," was somewhat amusing. How naive I was...

"The Mechanical Hand" is all about that keyboard. That awful, awful keyboard. Like a Ice Cream truck or Nintendo game from hell, that ever present, ever tortuous instrument of annoyance will drive you to the brink of sanity, guaranteed. By the end of the thirteenth (!) track, if the keyboard hasn't brought you to the point of stabbing yourself in the ears with a screwdriver, I'm convinced you are not human.

For those of you masochistic enough to make it to the end, there is a reward! One of those great hidden tracks (hasn't this novelty worn off yet?) appears with the two guys from the balcony of the Muppet Show voicing their disapproval of what just happened. Never have I agreed with a puppet more.

Strangely, this band is at their most tuneful, and tasteful, when they are at their most progressive. During a point in the song "Manateen," one can almost hear RUSH's "Subdivsions" in the odd time signatures and synth swells. Given the irreverence of the rest of the record, this similarity has to be purely coincidental. Vocally, Dashiell Arkenstone goes back and forth between conjuring up the irreverent and sometimes silly delivery of Mike Patton, and your typical angry teen screamin' and hollerin'.

So that's it. Please take heed, as the only reason I'm still alive to write this review is because no screwdrivers were handy while I listened to it.

- Broadbent

OFFICIAL SITE: www.horsetheband.com

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